thirteen.

 

 

Today's makes me nervous. This was a challenge for sure. I'm nervous because I'm putting something out here publicly that I haven't really done or shared in awhile. I'm no mozart when it comes to composing, I'm no Ben Folds when it comes to talent on the ivories, and I'm definitely no Celine Dion in the singing department. But I grew up singing on various worship teams at churches I attended. It always meant a lot to me because I love worship. I think our every day lives should be worshipful.

I've written songs here and there, but never did much with them. My skills are limited. But I know that when it comes to worship, it's all about the heart, and that makes my Jesus happy.

Singing and playing piano is something that I had suppressed in the past few years. I had this shame that covered my life and I was embarrassed by it. I'm trying to break through that again, because I'd love to get back to singing and writing again.

So getting this today was hard. Because it means I have to be vulnerable. I tried for over 2 hours tonight to think of something...and nothing. Until I started watching YouTube videos of one of my favorite worship leaders, Jenn Johnson. What I love about the way Jenn worships is this reckless abandon she has before the Lord. It's no show. It's no performance. She's simply standing in the palm of God's hand and honoring him. So when I sat down at the piano with that in mind, just abandon, something started to come to me. It's the very beginnings of something. But it just felt so good to worship. 

In all the trials and pain of the recent months I have found myself closer to God than ever, because I can see his goodness and faithfulness in my life even still. Even though my life is far from what I thought I wanted, I know that God is bigger than any of my pain, and he loves me with such a depth that I can trust that he has it in his hands. So that's where this comes from. A solid hope that in everything, God is good and faithful and I am thankful for his unfailing love. 

Again, fair warning, it's unfinished, it's been recorded off of my iPhone and it's been awhile since I've done anything like this. I also was trying to  be quiet since it was later at night and I didn't want to bother my sweet neighbor.

Listen here. And be easy on me.